The paranoia began to run rampant through my veins. I jumped every time someone would knock on my door. I found myself peeking through the curtains, always drawn, to see who was outside, who was knocking. If I didn’t know them I would take my children into the living room and w ewould all sit quietly until the intruder went away. I was petrified for my children’s safety, sure someone was going to take them away from me or hurt them. Soon the paranoia turned into delusional thinking, except I didn’t see it that way. My thoughts were real, my thinking was real and all those people out there in the world, trying to hurt me and my family were real. One evening, I walked through the house, checked every window and every door. Next, I began grabbing the baseball bats that my children once used to play with outside and put them in each corner of the house. Each corner where I was most likely to be at any given moment. Just in arms reach, so that on a second’s notice I could protect myself and my family.
I was certain these people wanted to destroy my life. The best way to do that was through my children and they knew this. I needed to do everything I could to protect them. No longer were they allowed to play outside during the warm, sunny days of summer. They were only allowed to play inside. This confused them and was met with much resistance, but it was the only way I knew how to keep my children close to me and safe. And that’s all I cared about, their safety, even if that meant ruining their summer.
Title: Mothering Through Bipolar
Author: Rebecca Moore
Mothering Through Bipolar is Rebecca’s journey of living with Bipolar Disorder while raising a family of seven children. She takes her readers on an adventure through depression, mania, legal issues, relationship problems and other difficulties. Rebecca offers her readers encouragement, comfort and support; always with a message of hope.
Rebecca Moore has been diagnosed with everything from Postpartum Depression to Bipolar Disorder. Rebecca enjoys writing about surviving her journey through mental health and likes to help others who have been there as well. She is a strong Mental Health Advocate for parents living with mental illness. Rebecca is also the CEO of her nonprofit organization, Bipolar Parenting Foundation. She also runs a column on PsychCentral called Bipolar Parenting. Rebecca lives in Northeastern Pennsylvania with her husband and seven children.
“We must break down the wall of shame society has built for us” – Rebecca Moore in Mothering Through Bipolar
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